recently I’ve begun to work more and get caught up into the bustle and mess of life. I realised when we are kids, we’re very sheltered from whatever demons there are out there. Demons – probably a very harsh word considering that I am one of those kids that has been sheltered. Honestly I wish I wasn’t as sheltered. I feel very inadequate in understanding life and identity. Sometimes I sit there alone (which is rarely) thinking of what it is to fight. What does it mean to truly fight for what you love. We’ve seen many movies and read many stories about people who fight for what they believe in. Sometimes I ask myself have I really fought for what I thought I believed in? Or am I not fighting enough because I do not have enough conviction? I feel that more often than not, I am unable to see past myself in this life. I think I am very self-centred and need to learn to expand my world view more, more than I ever have done.
Secondly, another thought that keeps me up at night is identity. This is not the first time I consider this. Being a people person, it is easy for me to be carried away by the people I am with, depending on circumstance. In that sense, I feel I am not grounded in who I am as an individual. I claim myself to be very much a convicted person and someone who goes deep into their belief system but am I really that strong? If I was, then would I be carried away so easily by ever whim and fancy? Maybe I need more thinking.