New experiences // Week 6

Mad week, insane week. Whatever synonyms you want to use do go ahead, because that was everything that week 6 stood for. Entering this week I knew it was going to be madness, so I braced myself mentally, because even though the week had a free day on Wednesday I knew myself that I would possibly lose it because stress is a mental thing and I suck at making myself feel like afraid of the loss of control over things in the week.

Anyway back to my grandmother story, I was bracing myself mentally but did not expect my body to give way. When it did, like a friend said: you are sick but you work like you are not. It frustrated me beyond measure that I would be unable to work to my fullest capacity because when you’re sick you can’t think straight, to start with I was sneezing every lesson and freezing over. I couldn’t concentrate when I needed to so I was just dying. No thanks to the fact that my best friend DID NOT come though my darned body prepped itself for it so well by giving me cramps throughout the week and hurling a dark moody cloud over me. 

So, Monday rolled around and lo and behold my ex teacher sent back comments on an essay and she said it was disjointed. Furthermore I wrote more stories than I should have so it was messy and superficial to say the least. I had two options, the essay cost me 10% of the grade, I could always just hand in whatever I wrote, I’m not sure but I think I wouldn’t suffer that bad, but then I felt my conscience kick in and go like: No Esther, don’t you always put your 110% in, don’t you live by the motto if you do something, do it with your whole heart? So come Thursday night and I worked through the night to reproduce that few paragraphs. At the end I suppose it wasn’t the fact that I rewrote it and probably pushed it a few notches higher in terms of quality but I felt thankful I took the step and redid it. 

Stepping back a little, I had lunch with Gaomin on Monday and it seemed interesting, the questions she asked I mean. It felt vaguely funny to be discussing what we did and why I believed in what I believed. There was an overarching sense of overprotection over how I felt I realised and maybe I was brought up in such a culture where as we know, we have learnt to be strong to give an answer for the hope in us. I am thankful for the chance to share of the hope that is in me, not because I wanted her to know desperately or something but more so to voice it out so I hear myself and be reminded of who I am and my values and what I stand for amidst this tide of madness I throw myself in everyday. 

Logs meeting on Tuesday and more work piled up, not a lot to be honest, probably manageable.

Thursday rolled around and a film screening turned into a LitSoc trip to JE and Big Box for dinner and literally a night just for laughs. Cracked up so hard at the various antics of the people I went with and it was a great breather. I had other plans for the night but I am glad I went with them for whatever it was worth. 

Friday was elections and I think I spent enough time panicking already so when elections actually happened I wasn’t scared thank God for composure I did not expect that level of calm it was amazingly strange. Thank you all my friends who texted me wishing me all the best and to assure me they were firmly behind me. I went up there and dumped my prepared speech. Well, it seems that talking impromptu wasn’t as bad as I thought it out to be. I have a new partner now, her name’s Mabel she seems like a great person to work with

Yesterday marked the start of the exco journey in ODAC. Here’s to the good the bad and the ugly. Here’s to learning about myself and others more. Here’s to fun… And all the paperwork… And the friendships…  And the endless emails
But above all

Here’s a new journey of self discovery.

On another note, something that someone said this week hit me. he said things happen organically. I realise things are starting to slow down more for me in that aspect and I kinda like it because beyond the initial phase, I see new angles of friendships and people in the different contexts and problems they go through in life and I both learn to understand context, the way they act in it, and maybe some new aspects to them. No doubt they make me comfortable but I know emotionally I want more, and it was a problem already then but I want to rectify it. 

Yesterday at ODAC meeting some people mentioned they are more task oriented than people oriented and others vice versa. I think I am extremely task oriented I forget I have emotions some time, and while my love languages allow for me to explore that with my friends, perhaps it is good to hope that I become more people oriented. and above all God-centred, because when He is at the helm, the ship will glide through even the roughest of waves and… with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm 

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