It was expected on Sunday by yours truly that the week would be hell. Every odd week is, with a Wednesday that only Engin timetables can rival. So I braced myself for the madness of the week, climaxing on Wednesday and petering out by Thursday – Friday.
But this week, God threw in His curveball of a move and made things happen in such a way I never expected and in the aftermath I can only stand in awe and gratefulness.
First, the blessings, because I must write it down.
1. Wednesday was not just any random day it was the last Impact (if you’re in this event you’ll know what I mean), and God renewed my vision, hope and desire to love and give myself for His cause.
2. I restarted deadlifting and beat all the bars I set for myself beyond expectations.
3. I scored for one midterm paper to my expectations which made me thankful that effort paid off
4. When I attempted to do my quiet time, God was merciful and so, so good to come like a gentle touch and heal my heart
5. For bringing mom safely through the colonoscopy this week. She said she wasn’t sedated enough but thank God for bringing her through
6. Lastly for all the smaller but not any less significant blessings, like journey mercies home, friends to send me home, the ability to wake up on time
I felt this week God showed me that my world is very small, when I think about myself, and my assignments and deadlines, I closed myself to what He had in store for me. That night when He reached out to me again, I could not help but feel extremely ashamed for the lack of love I had to Him, for the selfish ways in which I lived my life, seeking my own desires and ambitions, ignoring the mandate that was set for me. I felt useless in that I had so much, and yet I gave so little, to those around me especially. I was guilty but when I looked up to the cross as pastor preached on Sunday, there was a sense of hope renewed, that because of Christ Who gave it all, and for ALL He did for us who deserved nothing, we had this chance to now live our lives for Him, and that pulled me out of my rut and made me directed once more.
It seemed amazing that on the week in which I was the busiest, God kept me the most sane and instead showed me that there were so many things out there for me to look forward to. I did not expect it but He surely works in the most unexpected times, and I felt I was then used as a blessing to spur those around me on in whatever capacity I had.
Monday was really nice too, on another good note, I made a trip down to the other island, Pulau NTU and explored the Hive! It was cozy and welcoming, and to be honest I think travelling time is sorta negated in my mind already, I’m more or less used to travelling durations of an hour or more, gives one good reflection time too.
All in all, I am reminded of Who He is, amidst the daily battles for survival, I know He is my God and He is able, and because of that, I am able to live with Him by my side and with Him in me, alongside this journey.
My hope is that I would not be ‘useless’ in my niche in society, in whatever I do, to be always humble, remembering I am not alone, I am not of my own, but I will listen to His voice and His directions and live for him.