As the years go by I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have many sides and am just not a one dimensional person. I think it’s important to come to that realisation because in a world where people stereotype to no end, sometimes I find myself unsure of who I am, and whether what I do is (socially acceptable) and also whether it pleases God.
However I’ve come to understand a little more of myself in the recent past, that I am mad, fast, passionate and seemingly fickle. I say fickle because it seems that I have put my feet (although I only have 2) into many boats. My commitments list run longer than I can imagine and yet I seem to be ‘tirelessly’ doing it. I get tired, but it is more mental than physical, and sometimes I get tired of giving when people around me don’t give as much. I’ve slowly started to appreciate why I’m like that. People ask me why do you do so much, and the most common one – why so intense?
Emotionally and mentally, I am intense, passionate, I love wildly, live wildly, I throw my heart and soul into everything I do. I’ve always believed in the phrase ‘do what you love and you’ll love what you do’. It has never been wrong. Sure, the things I love are challenging, but what is life without challenges and competition? It fuels me, drives me and makes me determined. Somehow this may seem to be about work and academics, and CCAs.
This extends to friendships and the relationships I create with the people around me. I love wildly, madly, I do crazy things for the people I love, and I have come to understand that it is okay to love and live madly and that it is also okay to want people to reciprocate that. I am human and it is me to put in time and effort and forego sleep for people I love. It is okay to have a large heart, to understand and view people beyond their fears and shortcomings, to love them for who they are, to do things for them, to go the extra mile. I used to be afraid to say that I wanted my love to be reciprocated but now I know it is okay. It is okay to want to answers, replies, people to be there for you when you need them. Being someone who gives a lot, it is okay to want a lot from others, to want to push them to their potential, to want them to be better people. This is because when you live a passionate life, you realize you have potential, and you realize others around you can do it too.
It is not that oh you give love and that therefore you want it back, if not you feel taken for granted. I used to struggle with that in the past, but slowly I realised that I didn’t struggle with it anymore. In a way God showed me that loving others meant seeing them smile, saying little things to them that made a bad day better. He taught me how to love them.
So never be ashamed that you’re a person with a large heart and an endless supply of passion and fire in your belly, you are wild, mad, you laugh too much, you have too much energy all the damn time (and you’re occasionally eccentric in a good way). Never let anyone tell you otherwise that you’re too loud, you’re too much. If they’re overwhelmed by you, that’s just you and don’t ever change that about you.