What a mad 3 weeks of the new semester it has been.
There were so many events, feels, things to do, deadlines… But in all this, I can say, I felt His strength. I guess beginning the semester was exciting; both in terms of the modules lined up for me and the upcoming (and ongoing) activities that were planned starting from the holidays and even before that. I started the sem with expectation.
However there was one resolution I’d made to myself this year that was to give myself more alone time, time with God. In the back of my mind I constantly tried to refrain from adding on commitments and scheduling unnecessary things into my timetable. Whether this worked or not is yet to be seen, but I know I tried, for a start.
The first two weeks of school saw some friends leave for exchange, a little more free time (?) maybe… That got used pretty quickly for CCA meetings and preparations, background admin and the like. Countless emails were send out for various events and I spent a great deal of time in quietness with myself, (my MacBook) and God, most importantly.
In these two weeks I suppose academically it felt pretty slow, introductory lectures, tutorials and such. Week 2 was also fun ’cause we had ClimbNUS and I went back to YJ to disturb my old teachers (age joke intended).
The bomb came in week 3. EVERYTHING WENT MAD. What didn’t help was CORS bidding made me nearly fume. I ended go re-planning my entire timetable and losing 6 hours of sleep on one of the days. It was annoying but I had to learn to live with it. Moving into the week it became a blur of events – meetings, classes, catching up with readings, going home, clearing emails, sleep, wake up, rush to class, repeat.
In all these, I thank God for friends, for support from those around me, for family (in every sense of the word).
Wednesday nights proved to be healing to me. When I took the short time off to reflect, worship and consolidate my thoughts. It renewed my faith in Him, and made me see my failures and come to God in prayer and repentance.
Academically, I enjoyed HY2253 under Lockhart. Having come from a background where I was taught church history in church, it was an interesting viewpoint (what he offered), and the class participation and content of discussion was insightful, interesting and thought provoking. German 2 proved fun (much more fun than expected, and cool friends were found in this class too YAY).
The real annoyance was EN2202 (Critical Reading). I wasn’t just lost but frustrated and annoyed. It was 3 hours of intense frustration and barely hanging on before getting thrown off the cliff of literary appreciation and zoning out. To add on, the notes were piling up suddenly even though I was reading heavily every day, and I was just overwhelmed.
Then I had a talk with some seniors and I learnt about negative capability. It’s okay to not be okay. Of course it’s not okay if you’re blur for the whole semester, but getting used to a certain teaching style and all that takes time, patience, and the willingness to learn. I suppose the phrase ‘no one said it’s gonna be easy’ is true. It isn’t, I’m uncomfortable and I’m placed in situations where I can’t control the fact that I’m lost, and I have to learn to deal with it. That sucks, but it forced me to learn, and trust God.
There was also the chance to chill with the best OG ever (E White ninjas ftw!) and it was a great catch up time and hangout. I really like how TH feels so comfortable 😁. And meeting Joelle before she headed off was a blessing too 🙂
Midweek rolled around, and the best friend had his Civil Defence pass out parade and he got Best in Company. I was proud, happy, and just really very glad for him. It wasn’t an easy 3 years in JC but he made it out, and then army was next. I’m happy because he’s been through a lot indeed, and seeing him happy makes me really, really touched too. It’s the first step one of 9 months of more tiredness and stress I suppose; and it ain’t gonna get easier, life doesn’t. But I pray God see him through it.
Nearing the end of the week I met my sisters in Christ, it felt like family reunited. It was warm, (partly cause we wore PJs which y’know I suggested and they all did so muahaha) and comfortable and as we talked I felt really contented and grateful for everything God provided and continues to provide these 3 weeks.
Lastly, there was the Project Scribe; Remembering Rochor workshop we conducted for kids. I suppose I found a new group of friends (yes even though my resolution is to reduce on social activity)…
They were so open, willing to accept me (though I’m really weird), and very homey. My friend said it felt like family. I haven’t hung out with them long enough to comment, but they sure as heck were warm and I enjoyed doing the workshop with them, taking photos, etc.
In conclusion I’m really thankful for everything that has happened and those who have spurred me on to not give up when I was so tired and exhausted, for pushing me to strive for higher ground and for giving even the littlest of encouragements and advice.
It ain’t easy, and the next weeks aren’t gonna be, but I trust (and keep learning to) trust God.
P.S. My camera has been proving to be amazing 😍