Someone told me something this week that left me very uneasy. I was speaking to that person (whom I was not close to) about some choices I needed to make next year and the person said one thing: You’re quite confused aren’t you.
This set me thinking for the rest of the week, there are so many things in Uni that I want to do, I know this is the last chance in the education system before I enter the world/hellhole also known as the workplace. I therefore entered NUS with one thought at the back of my mind, and that was to, besides studying (well), also enjoy myself, do things that I wanted to try (not like a YOLO without abandon kinda thing) but to explore new aspects of interests.
Somewhere along this journey I realised I had too little time to do everything I wanted to do, 4 years would not be enough time for me to complete the modules I felt I would be interested in taking up, not enough time for me to try all the CCAs I wanted to get my hands on, then people spoke about scholarships and exchanges and wow. There was just so much.
As I thought of it all, I asked myself why some people had so much direction in life, but (I think) a good part of the student population actually has no idea where they want to go in life, or what they want to do. I realised that being confused is okay, being unsure of what you wanted to do and where you wanted to go was okay. It wasn’t wrong. I always thought that living a life of direction was meaningless, but I am slowly being proven wrong.
Let me qualify that I don’t mean it is okay to be confused about directions in life such that one parties all day and neglects their grades, I mean I think that working averagely well to the best of your ability is a given. What I want to talk about here is that it is okay to not have decisions yet, or have a path set in stone for yourself. Here’s why I think that is so.
Firstly, we are still young, I’m 19, the oldest of us is 23/24 and I think that we still have our lives to live, we have so much ahead of us, experiences, life lessons, mistakes to make, places to be in, people to meet. It is okay to not have a decision because we have not seen enough to come to one yet. I believe it is better to not make a decision than make one rashly.
Secondly, the FASS system teaches me one thing, if you never try, you never know. I never knew I was interested in European Studies until I took it and I went WOAH, even better, I never studied South Asian Studies and when I took it I really enjoyed myself in it. Of course one can say that’s a very blanket statement, like just because one student feels that way does not mean everyone feels that way. That is true, but my point here is that when we are indecisive or tentative as compared to being stubbornly decisive, it makes us more open to things that might interest us.
At this point I feel like I’m trying to justify why I am ‘confused’. Maybe I am, but more so, I think I learnt to be okay with it, I learnt to not feel guilty that I cannot make decisions, that I want to try everything, that I ask what does something hold in store for me? Every time I see the IVLE Student Events section, it never ceases to be filled with countless calls for participation in this and that and everything else. The question could be – what is worth your time? Apparently that question is not so easily answered, because you won’t know what is worth your time unless you try it, and so if you try it and it is not worth your time, perhaps you learn, or you may see it as a waste… Well, but it could be worth it too, I guess.